Adultery and idolatry reveal the nature of our allegiance. The one, to our spouse, and the other, to our God. The two are so intertwined that the Bible describes our idolatry as adultery (Jer. 3:8–9; Ezek. 16:32; 23:37; Rev. 2:22). Monogamy and monotheism are entwined because both are a call to fully devote one’s heart to the covenanted ‘other.’
In this light, polygamy and polytheism are tied together as they, like adultery and idolatry, speak of lack of covenant loyalty that is crucial for human flourishing.
At the heart of these issues are issues of the heart. Man, east of Eden, hardly delights in commitment to one, enticed by the unknown ‘many’ and uncommitted to the known ‘one’.
Setting the Stage
I watched in dismay and disbelief this week as one pastor in a videoed message advises another to marry the woman with whom he cheated on his wife.
The advising pastor argues that polygamy could not possibly or perceptively be perverse since the patriarchs performed it.
Now, pastor Solomon Male of Arising For Christ in Uganda is neither the first nor alone to suggest such. Gallup, Daily Beast, and Washington Post all report that the support for polygamy in the US is rising. And it does not take much digging to know that polygamy is at home in Africa.
Thus, in advising pastor Aloysius Bugingo of Prayer Ministries International to merely marry a ‘second wife’ pastor Male swims within the Traditional African and pagan American cultural current.
But pastor Male does not want to argue from the standpoint of traditional cultural norms explicitly. His reasoning, he states, is supported by the practice of the patriarchs. They were polygamous; therefore, polygamy must be okay.
Polygamy and the Patriarchs
Polygamy enters man’s scene after Adam’s sin. It is Lamech, the murderous grandson of Cain the murderer, who is said for the first time to have married two wives (Gen 4:19-26).
Abraham by the counsel of his wife Sarah took his servant for a concubine. Jacob at the trickery of his uncle Laban lands two ladies as wives instead of one. And at the bickering of his two wives ends up with their two servants as concubines as well.
Then comes David, the man after God’s own heart, with at least seven. His son Solomon will need a calculator and reminders to know how many he has, and which three to sleep with each day of the year.
Abraham’s polygamy was both based on, and the source of constant conflicts whose consequences come to the current era. Jacob? He thinks Joseph, and perhaps Benjamin, are his only sons (Gen 37:4, 42:38). As a result, the half-brothers almost kill each other and deceive their Dad even to his grave.
War and strife follow polygamy as vultures do a corpse. And this is not limited to Bible narratives. Even The Economist found a ‘link between polygamy and war.’ Polygamy plunders hearts, plunging them deep into idolatry, war, and hurt.
As for David? His family is a mess, as one half-brother kills the other who raped his half-sister, ultimately usurping his father’s throne (2 Samuel 13-19). One of Solomon’s first tasks after his father’s death is to execute his brother (1 Kings 2:13-25).
And then we read that when Solomon himself was old ‘his wives turned away his heart after other gods, and his heart was not wholly true to the LORD his God’ (1 Kings 11:4), just as God had warned (Deut. 17:17). You see, polygamy implies and inevitably leads to polytheism, whether in confession or practice. And polytheism leads to lack of peace and ultimately, perdition.
As mentioned, at the heart of such issues are issues of the heart. One must in some sense turn away from God to face a second wife/husband.
Now, of course, someone will say that God tolerated polygamy in the Old Testament. Such a one speaks truly, and the very word ‘tolerated’ says it all. Let it be known that God endures many things He disapproves of, a testament to His forbearance (Acts 17:30, Rom 3:25).
“(Polygamy) was tolerated but never with God’s approval. Jesus told the Jews, “Because of your hardness of heart, Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning, it has not been this way” (Matt. 19:3–8). The Mosaic law aimed at mitigating, rather than removing, evils that were inseparable from the state of society in that day. Its enactments were directed to the discouragement of polygamy; to prevent the injustice frequently consequent upon the exercise of the rights of a father or a master; to bring divorce under some restriction, and to enforce purity of life during the maintenance of the matrimonial bond.” – New Unger’s Bible Dictionary
Marriage as Monogamous
The Atlantic tells us that ‘Monogamous marriage, as we have known it, is challenged.’ Sin threatens monogamy, which is the Bible’s perfect portrait of a marriage.
Jesus states that “He who made (humanity) from the beginning made them male and female’ (Matthew 19:4). Notice the singulars: male, rather than males, and female, not females. Imagine how easy it would have been for God who desired fruitfulness and multiplication, to make three wives for Adam instead of one!
But we are told that, from the very beginning, God made one woman for one man, and united them in a ‘one-flesh’ covenant.
The ‘one flesh’ union is impossible unless it is a joining of two people who are biologically different from one another in a lifetime covenant. This is so, because Eve, we are told, was taken from Adam’s side. It was one wife from one side, who is united again to that side from whence she came.
In this, we crucially see that the very first marriage ever, the one on which God officiated, was monogamous.
Vital too is the reality that the last marriage as well, the one over which the Father will preside, will be the monogamous union of His Son and the Church (Rev 21:9, 22:17).
These two are the perfect paradigms for man’s marriage, for they exist in a world without sin. In Genesis, chapters 1-2, sin has not entered the human world while in Revelation 21-22 sin has entirely been removed from human existence. And in these two worlds, only monogamy is the form of marriage in view.
Now, the profound mystery of monogamy is in the fact that the first marriage, that of Adam and Eve, was a sign of the union between Christ and the Church.
Thus, every human marriage is a shadow whose substance is Christ and the Church. We cannot condone polygamy without insinuating that Christ has other brides than the Church. The reverse is true. We cannot advocate for polyandry without suggesting polytheism.
Where Do We Go from Here?
Our culture worships at the altar of sex, power, and money. It is a pluralistic society that seeks freedom from any restraint. Thus cohabitation, fornication, and infidelity are not considered as sinful as they once were.
But as the New Unger’s Bible Dictionary puts it, ‘Without the marital tie the inhabitants of this world would have been a mixed multitude. The family circle, family instruction, and parental love and care would have been altogether unknown.’
The Atlantic agrees, warning that ‘if we abandon monogamous marriage, it follows that we must also abandon our old concepts of the family and the relationship of parents to children.’
The church must lead by example, modelling to the world what faithful devotion to one partner looks like. The Christian is called to a singular dedication, to pay allegiance to One God by forsaking other gods.
Let this not be taken to mean that we are perfect. Inevitably, we will stumble and fall.
But we must not blur God’s vision for marriage. We must not suggest that marriage exists primarily for personal pleasure and convenience. We must show, contrary to the cultural tide, that vows matter, and that sticking to our commitment glorifies God and leads to human flourishing.
Marriage is a beautiful picture of a more profound relationship in the universe, that of Christ and the Church. Therefore, our marital lives must draw men to Christ. They ought to reveal both the beauty and brokenness of human relationships in a way that exudes confidence in the perfect union between God and humanity in Christ.
This will require that we, who exist and are redeemed by the grace of God, must exemplify forbearance without resorting to worldly solutions when we are tested. Love must triumph through troubles and trials.
Monotheism is foundational to monogamy. And in a world confused about the meaning of marriage, may we, the Bride of Christ, reveal the profundity of the one-flesh union.